Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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