Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
