I just pynch a tree in the face
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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