Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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