i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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