so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
