so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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