The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
