the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
