I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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