I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
