Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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