You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
