I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize