i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
