I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
