I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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