Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
