Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
