This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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