i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
