What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
