apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
