Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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