i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
