i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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