i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
