Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We got so high we made milksteak
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize