The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
