I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
