the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
