You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize