So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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