it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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