A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
