i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
