so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
