I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
