just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize