Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
