saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
