Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize