Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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