you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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