I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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