If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
