I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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