Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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