Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
