carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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