Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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