Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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