I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
