I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
