why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize