If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
