sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
