There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
