I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
