this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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