How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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