i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
