I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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