Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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