Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
