I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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