He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
ttyl tear gas
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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