Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
