I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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