After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
