oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
